You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house...You are hot, sweaty, and covered in dirt. You have your old work clothes on: shorts with a hole in the crotch, old T-shirt w/stains from who knows what. You realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to complete the jobby...
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex like a psycho on roids. You add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some psycho hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. You married the psycho hot chick, so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Chickity-check yourself in the mirror...still got it! Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with. She's ready to dial 911 because you're wearing a Penn State shirt.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Wash your hands. Your bottle of the manly Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing . The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is pretty. You're just one step away from being called, "Sandusky".
Your 50's
Stop what you are doing, ole "One Foot in the Bucket". Put a hat on, baldy. Wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register doesn't shout for help when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from " Buddy's Bait Shop " and it says, "I Gots Worms ."
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your shorts . The girl running the register might be cute, but you don't have your glasses on, so you aren't sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drugstore has your prescriptions ready, too. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her creepy grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot, but end up at Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud, and think someone called out your name . You went to school with the old lady's grandfather who greeted you at the front door.
In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why did Ross Perot choose me for V.P.? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?
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